Walk to suppport the revolution against parking problems

Meg Thompson
Editor-in-Chief

    Here is my solution to the parking issue. Stop complaining and start a revolution. The revolution would be to get off your lethargic, self-indulged couch and walk wherever you need to go.

    I came to a startling conclusion last week after I strolled the perimeter of Muskingum during a commercial break of an episode of "Trading Spaces": Muskingum is not that big. I left as Paige Davis was shooting Botox behind a pile of discarded ceiling fans and was back in time to see a mother of four sob when she saw her living room walls were painted coral. (I would too, my friend, I would too.)

    I do feel for those poor souls living in Lexington Arms. Their shuffleboard-court of a parking lot might be better suited for, I don't know, maybe shuffleboard. However, if everyone awkwardly sandwiches their cars in like uncoordinated boys around the punch table at a freshmen mixer playing "The Electronic Slide" for the fifth time, everyone might be able to park there if you are willing to exit your car by crawling out of the trunk.

    At least you are lucky enough to have a car. There are whining, stubborn, moody 15-year-old kids all across America who would love to steal your car. They would happily walk half a mile to a car without complaining about anything except that they have to be home by ten.

    If you have not noticed, there is never anywhere to park anywhere you go. Ever. It is a nationwide epidemic. Any day now, presidential candidates are going to start including it in their platforms, right along with health care. I would place money on it; except I have to pay a parking ticket I just received.

    I thought I was going to make it through my college career without a parking ticket. Alas, I was wrong. 50 dollars, right on my windshield. It is enough to make you wince, but I guess I will just have to put off on buying some of the more luxurious items I had planned to this month, like food and unleaded gasoline. I was parked in the wrong area, and I am sorry. As a senior, I should be setting an example or where to park, but I got careless. Next time, I will be sure to park in a fire lane when I am feeling careless, as that is a mere 20 dollar fine.

    Rarely does the opportunity present itself to me to park illegally, however; Muskingum is swathed in parking lots, yet it appears no one is going to be happy until every available acre of land is bulldozed, paved and awash with dented pick-up trucks and Hondas.

    Do I stand alone in my viewpoint? Am I the only person saying we have too many places to park?

    Probably not. I bet there are more of you out there. And though the parking dilemma has quieted, at least for now, I would not be surprised if it surfaced again, as it tends to do every year. Be strong, Muskingum, think of something innovative to wage war against--like the fact The Terminator is the governor of California.

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