Mixed messages from McDonald's

Ryan Lentz
Staff Commentator

   The commercials always told me that McDonald's loved to see me smile, but lately I have been finding this claim increasingly harder to believe. Now that I work at McDonald's, it seems like something has changed between us; it's like all of the sudden they don't even care if I smile. I just started working there a few days ago, and it already feels like purgatory. This is how it all went down.

    First I had orientation; this was great. They told me that McDonald's was more like a family than it was a job. The McDonald's family thing was a joke, but I felt like I had no alternative since I was broke. Anyways, these guys with the Golden Arches have a lot of nerve; they told me I needed to buy new shoes and new pants.

    Now come on, if I had money for all that stuff I wouldn't even need a job. My manager told me to make sure and show up clean, like she had expected me to show up dirty. The onslaught of insults continued for what seemed like an eternity.

    Ronald was sending me all these mixed messages. I was confused. If they wanted me to show up looking immaculate then why did they give me a dirty work shirt?

    I know this is America and I am expected to work my way up but I don't always do what I'm expected to do. That's why I didn't show up to work today. I didn't really quit; it was more like I just stopped showing up. Don't even worry about it because you know McDonalds is giving me a second chance. Who's making the money from all these cheeseburgers? I know who isn't -- me! They aren't paying cows now for making the ultimate sacrifice, are they?

   No, what is happening here is whack; there's some rich dude in a hot tube making money off of my labor. "God Bless America."

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